Being the Change

In January, a new friend that E and I made through Buddhist Peace Fellowship (a POC-led, buddhist-based, social justice organization) reached out to a group of us to ask: would you consider sponsoring a queer/transgender asylum seeker from Latin America?

E and I have talked at length about how easy it is to look back at the sins of the past and say "If I had been alive, I woulda...." Hidden my Jewish neighbors; protested our involvement in the Viet Nam War; marched with MLK, Jr; etc etc etc. Looking backwards is easy. Standing here, in the present moment, with eyes open is not so easy. There is still injustice. We can act for justice and compassion.


Here's the reality of acting for justice and compassion: it isn't always easy. It's often inconvenient. It's often uncomfortable. It can be pretty thankless. You will make mistakes. Others will make mistakes. You will see how fucking messy healing can be. If you like feeling like you've got it all figured out, this might seem unbearable.


Here's another reality: you will meet the most amazing people. You will discover how huge and generous people's hearts are. You will learn a lot. You might feel like you're swimming upstream and like your actions don't really matter, but then you'll turn around and see that 1,000 people are doing it with you, that you've got each other's backs, and you'll start to understand that working together is really powerful, that the narrative of the sole hero swooping in to save the day is a troublesome mythology best left behind.


We don't have to do it alone. So here is my ask:


Every day I see stories and photos of families separated at our border, people seeking asylum from violence and poverty. Children are being kept in cages; children are being traumatized. People entrusted with their care are sexually abusing them. People entrusted with their care are failing to seek medical attention when it's clear children are sick. People entrusted with their care are allowing them to die.


Are you willing to reach out to 1-5 of your friends and community members to form a collective willing to sponsor an asylum-seeking family?


My wife and I have been sponsoring Dennis, a queer 19 year old from El Salvador. We are learning a ton. We are part of a nationwide group of sponsors who have been an invaluable resource (emotionally, informationally, etc). We are becoming part of a local community of sponsors, asylees, and immigrants' rights activists in our area. Spending time with these folks restores all of my faith in the goodness that people are capable of.


I am happy to answer any questions you might have about what this endeavor entails. I know that there are church and faith-based groups doing this who would be able to speak more about how they've divided responsibilities among themselves.


I haven't been involved in Freedom for Immigrants, but it looks like they do good work. We were matched with Dennis via the Santa Fe Dreamers Project.


Please consider it, and if you do take action, please let me know so we can celebrate your becoming part of an amazing team.

Five Minutes of Mindfulness

My wife and I have decided that it's important for us, as individuals and as a family (now that we have Babbo - not his real name, obviously!) to have a spiritual touchstone in our lives. Neither of us grew up religious, but we both want to have something that we can turn to for grounding and guidance, something a bit bigger than ourselves and our daily concerns.

Each night, after Babbo has fallen asleep, Wife and I sit facing each other, and she sets the timer on her iPod Touch for 5 minutes. She starts the timer, we hold hands, close our eyes, and meditate for 5 minutes. When the timer signals that our 5 minutes are up, we sometimes talk softly about what the experience was like for us, and sometimes we kiss each other goodnight, and I head off to bed and she returns to the office to continue her paper-making endeavors.

In the past, I used to sit for 10 or 20 minutes at a time. With a 13 month old son, I've had neither the time nor the energy for such sits; I made the mistake of believing that I needed that time or energy in order to sit at all, so for a long time I haven't.

But 5 minutes...I can do 5 minutes, and they've come to be something that I rely on and look forward to. Mostly I spend the time attempting to bring my attention back to my body, my breath, the moment. I have Monkey Mind in spades! Last night I spent most of the time being sad about "what if" Babbo died, followed by "what if" my wife died. This was interspersed with being present with the experience of fear, taking a step back to observe what was going on and simply labeling it: "fear. fear. fear." "sadness. love. attachment. fear." And then being pulled back into what my plan would be in the event of those losses. And back to the present. Over and over for 5 minutes.

Was it glamorous? Did I have any epiphanies? No, and I'm not sure. What I did experience, for the first time during one of these "what if I lost this important person in my life" episodes, was that there was a shift in my body as I turned a curious eye on the fear. I can't much describe it beyond "shift." It didn't take away the fear or the anxiety, but there was something new there.

All in 5 minutes.

Happy New Year

My wife asked me last night what I get sentimental over. Precious little, is part of the answer, as well as It's usually a surprise. Last week the day care had a bake sale. My colleague came upstairs with a bag of peanut butter fudge. I don't normally eat sweets, so PBF isn't something I've sought out in the last 25-30 years. But I ate the PBF and teared up a little; it brought me right back to my late grandmother's kitchen in Woburn, and memories of a frustrating woman that I loved very deeply. Peanut butter fudge....who knew?

And now, sitting here at the edge looking out to 2010, I'm realizing that occasions make me sentimental. New year, new season, birthday, anniversary, etc. I fall into reflecting on the past and planning for the future.

This past year has definitely taken me places I hadn't expected to be...ever.

I jumped on the chance to do something I've wanted to do for years, if only on a super-part-time basis (live and work someplace for a tourist season...and god, Martha's Vineyard is beautiful!), and also put me into a work situation I swore I'd never be in (9-5...and at Harvard University, at that!) yet love. My plans to push forward into a career of full-time massage therapy are on hold, which surprises the hell out of me, but it feels ok for now.

Last year I found this woman's blog, my intro to which was this post:

http://christinekane.com/blog/resolution-revolution-a-better-way-to-start-your-year/

I liked --and still do!-- the idea of choosing a guiding principle to inspire one's choices rather than a specific "Thou (I) shalt..."

I haven't chosen a word yet, but am chewing on them for the day. What would your word be?

Mandatory Blurb: Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 8,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a free subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine's blog - Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous - at ChristineKane.com/blog.

Things people ask me

People ask me a lot of questions. Some of them relate to a massage that they are an active participant. Some of them relate to other clients. Here is a sampling:

1. Do I have to get undressed?
1a. Can/Should I leave my bra/underwear/socks/pants/shirt/etc on?

No, you don't have to get undressed. I've certainly worked on a number of people who have remained fully clothed (and I've also had a number of clients who half-undress). It's important that you do what you have to in order to feel comfortable, relaxed and safe. When someone wears clothes on the table, it does change how I work (no oil, for example, and more compressive/fewer-to-no gliding techniques), and also how frequently I check in with them about certain things (e.g. "Is it ok for me to unhook your bra to work on your back, or would you prefer I work around it?").

2. "I'm sorry. I didn't shave my legs/pits."

This isn't so much a question, but something the ladies say quite frequently. Let me assure you: I don't care. Seriously. I've never had a male client apologize for a single thing about their body (well, maybe profuse sweat in mid-August, but even still that's been rare). Body hair doesn't bother me. My massage table is the place where I hope you show up and feel completely accepted as you are.


3. Do you think it's gross if I don't wear underwear?

No.

4. Have your clients ever gotten erections/been inappropriate?

Sadly, I've dealt with some sketchy clients, but luckily they've kept their boners to themselves. Knock on wood (no pun intended).

5. Can you break someone's bones doing massage?

Only if they've got osteoporosis. I'm far more likely to injure myself doing massage.

Five seems like a good stopping point, plus I have other non-bloggy things to do with my life. Enjoy your lovely November day!

Mental Health Grand Rounds...today!

I'm frittering away some moments in the chilly, dark pre-dawn hours. I'm giving a talk today on massage and eating disorders at Mental Health Grand Rounds at HUHS. I'm alternately nervous, not nervous, and nervous about why I'm not more nervous. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing this (hint: it's not because I need to prove anything to anyone, but you'd never know it from the soundtrack in my head!).

So this part is more a note to self:

I'm doing this because I believe massage is an amazing healing tool. It is compassionate, nurturing, non-invasive, relatively low-cost, has no grody side-effects, and feels good. People make the choice to receive massage, to make the time and money for it...in that sense, it asks people to be active participants in their well-being. It says, "This body is worth loving. This body is worth compassion and care. This body is good enough to touch." For someone with body image issues, that can feel incredibly risky. It flies in the face of the hateful things they believe about themselves and their bodies.

So yeah. I've got my outline. I've got my resource list. I've got freshly made steel cut oats, slowly cooling coffee, a dog waiting to be walked, a dozing, recently-fed cat nearby. If I can hold my reasons for approaching HUHS about doing this in the first place, I think things will be a-ok.

The "Long Weekend" Massage

Many years ago, before I was a massage therapist, I used to visit my friend/MT, Susan Liao, every 3 weeks for an hour-long massage. At some point, I decided I needed a longer session, so I booked a 90-minute massage.

I remember, distinctly, being on the table. My internal clock was tick-tocking, and right around the time I was expecting Susan to lean over and tell me our time was up, the session kept going.

"It's like a long weekend," I thought, "that moment on Sunday when, instead of mentally switching gears back to your work-week, you realize you have a whole 'nother day to breathe."

These days, a 90-minute massage is what I go for if I want a full-body session. It gives the therapist an opportunity to thoroughly address any problem areas while tying in the non-problem areas; it gives my muscles a chance to really take in the work; and it's like a long weekend.

:)

So--if you've been exclusively booking 60-minute sessions, I invite you to think outside the box. Try a 75- or a 90-minute session and see if it works for you (and if you have your own "long-weekend-aha!" moment, please let me know!). If you've been putting off bodywork because of time or money--but your ______ is really troubling you--see if you can get a 30-minute treatment focusing on alleviating that pain or discomfort. Or, heck, go find yourself a 10- or 15-minute chair massage (Need a tip? You can find my colleague, Morgan, providing chair massage at the Copley Sq Farmers' Market).

Time for me to start packing up to leave the island and head back to Boston. Stay well!

Committing to Self-Care

I've recently joined a Peer Supervision group. We met at Crema Cafe in Harvard Square and went around the table, telling our stories, suggesting topics to cover, sharing what we hoped to get out of the group. One of my colleagues said that she wanted to make sure we talked about Self Care. We all nodded, and it reminded me that this is a topic I've been meaning to write more about.

My acupuncturist checked in with me at the start of our most recent session. "Are you doing self care? Yoga? Exercise?" I'm certain I got the same look on my face as most of my clients do when cornered with the same question; the tone in my voice certainly sounded familiar. I hedged; I rationalized; I was busted.

And finally, today, I went for some much-needed bodywork with someone I deeply respect (in part due to a lack of self-care...doh!). Before even giving me the exercises, she cocked her head at me and asked "If I give you exercises, will you do them? Because some people don't, and that's ok, but I just want to know if you will before I give them to you."

I said yes, and received my instructions. So I'm putting out there publically, because I do believe in its importance, that as a healthcare professional, I am committing to my own Self Care.

What has stopped me in the past?

~overcommitted days
~lack of energy (see above)
~lack of immediate gratification (this is a big one for me)
~believing that the other things I did for other people were more important than Self Care
~perfectionism (if I cannot do it "perfectly," I may as well not do it at all)

So when you aren't taking care of yourself, what are you doing instead? What stops you from taking those 5-10 minutes? What stops you from saying "yes" or "no" (whichever applies)?

So my commitments are:

~do my Lou-assigned exercises twice daily (starting tonight)
~go to bed earlier (especially since I'm a habitual early-riser!)
~spend time every morning getting clear on what is important to me, and saying "yes" or "no" to activities and commitments that are in line with a bigger vision

I'll let you know how it goes!