Things people ask me

People ask me a lot of questions. Some of them relate to a massage that they are an active participant. Some of them relate to other clients. Here is a sampling:

1. Do I have to get undressed?
1a. Can/Should I leave my bra/underwear/socks/pants/shirt/etc on?

No, you don't have to get undressed. I've certainly worked on a number of people who have remained fully clothed (and I've also had a number of clients who half-undress). It's important that you do what you have to in order to feel comfortable, relaxed and safe. When someone wears clothes on the table, it does change how I work (no oil, for example, and more compressive/fewer-to-no gliding techniques), and also how frequently I check in with them about certain things (e.g. "Is it ok for me to unhook your bra to work on your back, or would you prefer I work around it?").

2. "I'm sorry. I didn't shave my legs/pits."

This isn't so much a question, but something the ladies say quite frequently. Let me assure you: I don't care. Seriously. I've never had a male client apologize for a single thing about their body (well, maybe profuse sweat in mid-August, but even still that's been rare). Body hair doesn't bother me. My massage table is the place where I hope you show up and feel completely accepted as you are.


3. Do you think it's gross if I don't wear underwear?

No.

4. Have your clients ever gotten erections/been inappropriate?

Sadly, I've dealt with some sketchy clients, but luckily they've kept their boners to themselves. Knock on wood (no pun intended).

5. Can you break someone's bones doing massage?

Only if they've got osteoporosis. I'm far more likely to injure myself doing massage.

Five seems like a good stopping point, plus I have other non-bloggy things to do with my life. Enjoy your lovely November day!

Mental Health Grand Rounds...today!

I'm frittering away some moments in the chilly, dark pre-dawn hours. I'm giving a talk today on massage and eating disorders at Mental Health Grand Rounds at HUHS. I'm alternately nervous, not nervous, and nervous about why I'm not more nervous. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing this (hint: it's not because I need to prove anything to anyone, but you'd never know it from the soundtrack in my head!).

So this part is more a note to self:

I'm doing this because I believe massage is an amazing healing tool. It is compassionate, nurturing, non-invasive, relatively low-cost, has no grody side-effects, and feels good. People make the choice to receive massage, to make the time and money for it...in that sense, it asks people to be active participants in their well-being. It says, "This body is worth loving. This body is worth compassion and care. This body is good enough to touch." For someone with body image issues, that can feel incredibly risky. It flies in the face of the hateful things they believe about themselves and their bodies.

So yeah. I've got my outline. I've got my resource list. I've got freshly made steel cut oats, slowly cooling coffee, a dog waiting to be walked, a dozing, recently-fed cat nearby. If I can hold my reasons for approaching HUHS about doing this in the first place, I think things will be a-ok.

The "Long Weekend" Massage

Many years ago, before I was a massage therapist, I used to visit my friend/MT, Susan Liao, every 3 weeks for an hour-long massage. At some point, I decided I needed a longer session, so I booked a 90-minute massage.

I remember, distinctly, being on the table. My internal clock was tick-tocking, and right around the time I was expecting Susan to lean over and tell me our time was up, the session kept going.

"It's like a long weekend," I thought, "that moment on Sunday when, instead of mentally switching gears back to your work-week, you realize you have a whole 'nother day to breathe."

These days, a 90-minute massage is what I go for if I want a full-body session. It gives the therapist an opportunity to thoroughly address any problem areas while tying in the non-problem areas; it gives my muscles a chance to really take in the work; and it's like a long weekend.

:)

So--if you've been exclusively booking 60-minute sessions, I invite you to think outside the box. Try a 75- or a 90-minute session and see if it works for you (and if you have your own "long-weekend-aha!" moment, please let me know!). If you've been putting off bodywork because of time or money--but your ______ is really troubling you--see if you can get a 30-minute treatment focusing on alleviating that pain or discomfort. Or, heck, go find yourself a 10- or 15-minute chair massage (Need a tip? You can find my colleague, Morgan, providing chair massage at the Copley Sq Farmers' Market).

Time for me to start packing up to leave the island and head back to Boston. Stay well!

Committing to Self-Care

I've recently joined a Peer Supervision group. We met at Crema Cafe in Harvard Square and went around the table, telling our stories, suggesting topics to cover, sharing what we hoped to get out of the group. One of my colleagues said that she wanted to make sure we talked about Self Care. We all nodded, and it reminded me that this is a topic I've been meaning to write more about.

My acupuncturist checked in with me at the start of our most recent session. "Are you doing self care? Yoga? Exercise?" I'm certain I got the same look on my face as most of my clients do when cornered with the same question; the tone in my voice certainly sounded familiar. I hedged; I rationalized; I was busted.

And finally, today, I went for some much-needed bodywork with someone I deeply respect (in part due to a lack of self-care...doh!). Before even giving me the exercises, she cocked her head at me and asked "If I give you exercises, will you do them? Because some people don't, and that's ok, but I just want to know if you will before I give them to you."

I said yes, and received my instructions. So I'm putting out there publically, because I do believe in its importance, that as a healthcare professional, I am committing to my own Self Care.

What has stopped me in the past?

~overcommitted days
~lack of energy (see above)
~lack of immediate gratification (this is a big one for me)
~believing that the other things I did for other people were more important than Self Care
~perfectionism (if I cannot do it "perfectly," I may as well not do it at all)

So when you aren't taking care of yourself, what are you doing instead? What stops you from taking those 5-10 minutes? What stops you from saying "yes" or "no" (whichever applies)?

So my commitments are:

~do my Lou-assigned exercises twice daily (starting tonight)
~go to bed earlier (especially since I'm a habitual early-riser!)
~spend time every morning getting clear on what is important to me, and saying "yes" or "no" to activities and commitments that are in line with a bigger vision

I'll let you know how it goes!

Lower Body OrthoMassage

Last weekend I received 20 hours of training in orthopedic massage for lower body conditions with James Waslaski.

I am now looking for folks with lower body complaints who are comfortable letting me practice my newfound skills on them.  Here are some details so you can make an informed decision:

• This will be unlike any bodywork you've received from me in the past.  It is very "active participant" and focused/clinical.
• You will be clothed for the session: underpants, loose stretchy shorts, t-shirt.
• No matter where your complaint, I will begin with your pelvis and hips and move down your legs to your feet.
• Some of the work on the hip flexors will be done by accessing them through your abdomen. Some folks find abdominal work to be sensitive; many of us hold a lot of emotion in our guts.  Rest assured that contact will be slow, patient, and at your pace.
• All work is meant to be pain-free, and even fairly discomfort-free.  It is quite slow, to allow the tissues to release at their own pace.
• Expect to spend about 90 minutes on a session, perhaps more.  There is a 12-step protocol for me to follow, and until I get it down, I will have to double-check my notes, my body mechanics, etc.  
• In order to participate, you must must MUST commit to self-care following.  
• The cost will be $50 for a session.
• Sessions will take place either on a Wednesday evening in Brookline or a Friday in Arlington.  

Why Your First Massage With Someone May Be Less Than Magical

I recently had a treatment with a massage therapist I hadn't worked with before. It was...ok. I had asked her to focus on a recurring shoulder complaint, which she did. I had specified to her that I love deep work, but that bodyworkers need to be slow and patient when applying deep tissue techniques, otherwise my muscles start guarding.

So I lay there on the table for an hour, waiting and waiting for her to go deeper. I didn't say anything, figuring she was perhaps just on the cusp of really going for it. Nope. As I got off the table, I certainly felt more relaxed and a bit looser, but she hadn't gone anywhere near my tolerance point for pressure and my shoulder still felt fairly bound up.

So I re-booked.

I recognize this isn't a choice that a lot of people would make. If you've spent money on a session and walk away from it feeling like you didn't get what you came in for, it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to return to that therapist. Having been on the giving and receiving end of bodywork, there are many reasons why your first session with anyone might be less-than-fabulous and why you may want to consider a second chance:

• you are naked under a sheet or towel
  
• someone you don't know is touching you
• neither of you has a baseline for basic massage preferences such as style, pressure, pace, etc.
• a client may be less likely to speak up (as I was) because they are waiting to see what will happen
• there may be more miscommunication and misunderstanding because you don't know each other
• you may be comparing their work to your previous beloved (or behated) bodyworker
• you may be in so much pain or discomfort that precious little will make you happy at the moment
• you may be unhappy about your appearance and feeling self-conscious
• you don't know what to expect, or you have questions but are afraid to ask them and possibly appear "stupid" to the MT
  
• the receptionist may have been rude to you, and you're just livid (or intimidated, etc)
  
• so on and so forth

I've found as a bodyworker that the more I work with someone, the better and more effective the sessions. I always begin and end sessions with an interview to assess client goals and expectations, likes and dislikes, what worked and what didn't. With time, we develop a relationship of trust. I know my client's preferences and what works really well for their specific complaint. They know what to expect from me and so they let go more quickly. They speak up more quickly and confidently when something is or isn't to their liking because they know I welcome their feedback and won't be offended, and as a result the session is more satisfying to them.

As someone who receives regular bodywork, this is the guideline I've made for myself: I have 2-3 folks who are my go-to therapists; I know and like their work and regularly re-book with them. Every few months I pay a visit to a new therapist and see how it is they work. It's a system that has worked out really well for me.

Next time: either When to Not Re-Book Ever Ever or possibly How to Find a New MT.

Til then....

Chronic Pain and Happiness

I don't read the paper often, but I try to make time for the Boston Globe on Sundays. If you do, too, you may have seen this.

Firstly, I find the study of happiness to be fascinating, especially because many decades have been spent peering at the specifics of unhappiness and maladaptive behaviors.

Secondly, I'm intrigued by what such findings might mean for bodywork and bodywork research in light of their correlations between chronic pain and unhappiness. Would chronic pain sufferers find greater happiness if their complaints were addressed with consistent and regular bodywork?